Why being overly friendly with your learners is not a good trait

As online ESL teachers/tutors, we all want to have a lot of students because otherwise, we won’t make much. Having said that, we want to make sure that we leave the best impression to our first-time or trial learners, hoping they will come back to our page and book our lessons again. The easiest way to go is to be nice and friendly but that can only take you so far with your learners.

I can understand why being friendly matters in getting students not to mention the dreaded lesson evaluation that comes afterwards if you’re working for an ESL company. But, being overly friendly will do more bad than good to you and your learners in the long run.

You must have seen some teachers/tutors complain about getting failing evaluation marks despite being nice, kind, and friendly. But have you ever thought of the possibility that that might just be the reason why your learners marked you down on your attitude?

Of course being friendly works with some other students. It makes them feel more relaxed, comfortable, and confident in expressing their thoughts. But sometimes, way too comfortable they start talking about matters too sensitive and even inappropriate to talk about. Is that also something you want for a student? You, as a teacher, might act or behave just the same without knowing it’s already making your students uncomfortable and voila, a failing mark on your attitude!

Another reason why being too friendly is not advisable is, you will have to maintain that friendly energy with your students. Unless you are sincere with your friendship with them and it’s not all for the sake of getting high evaluation marks or even being invited to Japan or whatever, it can be difficult to maintain your friendly attitude. And one simple inconsistency is enough for them to realize your insincerity. You think they’d be happy about it? Of course, not. And you must know how hard and even stressful it is to put up a face or fake your attitude towards people you don’t really like, right?

In my years of teaching ESL online, I’ve met a lot of students who specifically told me, “I think you’re a strict teacher and I like it.” So, should you be strict then? Not necessarily.

What you have to be is professional. Being friendly will surely get you students and may even make them stay and continue learning with you but keep in mind that you are an ESL teacher/tutor whose profile was displayed and found on an ESL listing site and not a dating or friendship site. So, simply do your job. TEACH. Correct what needs correcting and provide honest feedback.  A few of my students also expressed their dissatisfaction with other teachers/tutors who always praised them, telling them “very good, good job” all the time.

It’s ok, of course, to be friendly just don’t overdo it and don’t make it your intention. I myself have become friends with a lot of my students but none of my friendships with them started with that intention. In fact, the students I intentionally tried to be so nice to and even friends with when I was just starting have all long been gone.

Be true to yourself in how you deal with your students. Not all will like you but you’ll definitely attract and keep only those who match your teaching style. That will make everything more fun, easier, and definitely less stressful for you and your students.